but, I'm not perfect.
What?!!?! You Don't Have Cable? I Wish I Were As Strong As You!
We may not have cable, but we have an on-line Netflix account that we log into daily (thanks, Mom!). (Oh Netflix, how I love thee!) If I wanted to, I could watch a full season's episodes of certain television shows. I prefer to watch movies. As for the Queen, when I am fixing dinner or trying to clean, she watches Blue's Clues or the Jimmies. Hey, I need her to stay out of things as much as the next Mom.
In that post, I didn't mention another reason for not having cable: I was afraid of the temptation. I already spend inordinate amounts ignoring my children by blogging that I don't need another media outlet to distract me. When thinking about getting cable all I envisioned myself in front of the television telling the Queen to stop playing so I could hear the TV. I am already too absorbed in my own thoughts that I didn't need something to make me more mentally absent.
All You Need is Balance!
As Kristen mentioned, one of my favorite words is balance. At least it used to be. I am still trying to achieve balance in my life, but I am learning to let some things slide.
I used to dream of being the perfect mom, wife, and woman every night. A mom whose attention is more focused on her children and not the internet. A wife who doesn't get angry or become resentful with her husband over silly things. A woman who doesn't excuse away her profession because of shame.
I am beginning to accept that perfection is not expected of me. I will constantly be searching for balance. I am just not as stuck on it as I used to be.
I Am Feeling Pretty Lazy These Days
I once wrote about waking up at 5 am to work out. Oh the responses I got! Well, that regime lasted a total of 3 weeks. I realized that when I began to dread the morning something needed to change. I am still working on that change.
I used to love the mornings. I would rather wake up early than stay up late to finish an assignment. I loved to watch the sun rise. After I had children my schedule became whacked. Right now, Manly enjoys staying awake until 1 or 2 AM. Rather than resent his night time preference, I make a party out of it! This only makes mornings that much harder.
Comments, Comments, Comments!!
Your thoughts on comments really made me think. Thank you for expressing your opinions and validating my own need for comments. Want to know a secret? I'm kind of afraid of comments. What if you tell me I'm wrong? Point out my grammatical errors? Or, worse, express amazement at something I'm doing?
These fears are best faced head on. I guess blogging is a form of bravery, huh?
I think that is enough for today. When I feel that you are once again putting me on some pedestal, I will add to this list. Hey, I may even have something substantial for you tomorrow!
7 hours ago
You lasted for three weeks of getting up at 5:00 am to work out...I am impressed. My workout at 6:00, last one day, I repeat ONE day! You go, girl! And yeah, I want netflix. I have cable but hardly ever watch anything that is not on a regular network.
ReplyDeleteI'm with suzicate - 3 weeks is awesome. You'll get back to it when you can. It's not like you don't have a good excuse keeping you busy every day. (btw, I love a good stream of consciousness post!)
ReplyDeleteLove Netflix. That's how I watched The Office.
ReplyDeleteYou're not perfect?
ReplyDeleteWait. What?
Really?
I'm confused... :)
You're so cute - apologizing because you think you're not as great as we all think you are! Hey, you're AWESOME and that's okay! =D It's nice to get to know even more about you though!
ReplyDeleteI'll admit it along with you, Amber, I'm afraid of comments - Anonymous comments put the chill of fear into my soul. Yes I can throw them in my tidy little blogspot trash can but they may have sat there for a while with their hateful remarks, their gibberish, whatever. It's disconcerting. But that is why I believe that blogging is an act of bravery. You have to be brave to put your personal thoughts on a screen and press publish knowing no one may read them or people may and may not like what you've written. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.
ReplyDeleteWe don't have cable either. In fact, we rarely watch tv. Our lives are too busy as it is. Funny that you mentioned dreaming of being the perfect mother. I think most of us do that just like most of us are afraid of comments too. I've got news for you. You may not be perfect, but you are perfectly normal! We're in the same club!
ReplyDeletePerfectionism is a mental illness. Now, go celebrate your Normalcy!
ReplyDeleteDon't Worry, Be Happy.
For me being a more perfect mother meant becoming a less perfect housekeeper. With limited resources I had to pick and choose what I wanted to work at.
ReplyDeleteI'm not scared of comments, but have yet to have a troll. We'll see how I deal with that!
I used to be a morning person and having kids (all of them more night owlish that myself) whacked my schedule, too. I am almost back to a point where I can enjoy my mornings again.
Comments make me giddy. TV soothes my soul. And I have come to believe that striving for perfection is for the weak!
ReplyDeleteTalk about a terrible person...sheesh!
Love this, love you.
Balance is where it's at. You hit the nail on the head with that one. It includes expecting imperfection as well, if you ask me, we won't always be perfectly balanced in an imbalanced world.
ReplyDeleteSarah, I just LOVE you!! Movies make me giddy. I especially love them after a terribly long, hard, and depressing day.
ReplyDeleteWhoa, dude! You're doing it wrong! You're supposed to let us all think you are perfect! Kidding, kidding, kidding...just couldn't resist.
ReplyDeleteThree weeks is three weeks more than I've ever managed. Go you.
I'm with Sarah... nothing makes me happier than comments. Even if they're telling me i'm a total and complete idiot. I just love knowing someone is reading the words I write. TV - Nick Jr is on more often than anything else. I don't need it but I do love a great movie. And the Bachelor. And 24. And American Idol... ok, maybe I do need TV.
ReplyDeleteAnd I can't comment on being perfect because, well, I am perfect. :) HA - that made me laugh just writing it!
I think you're perfect. I wouldn't change a thing if I were you!
We don't have cable either. And it is not because we are some super cultured people, we too are afraid the temptation. Two words: will power. Or the lack of it. That's me and my husband. It's surprising how we even manage to grow children. But I have to say, oftentimes we work harder to allow laziness. Does that even make sense?
ReplyDeleteYES!!! It does make sense. I will work all day long just so I can be lazy at night.
ReplyDeleteLike you, Mr. B and I have lack of will power. Heck, if the internet pretty much kills all our attempts at having a normal conversation so what would television do?
Rather than resent his night time preference, I make a party out of it!
ReplyDeleteLOVE this. I really tried to savor time with #2 when she stayed awake every nite until 3 a.m., because I knew how fast that stage would end.
My problem is that I never learned how to change my schedule to something more normal. ;) I'm still up late, every night. My body has never done mornings well....