I don't know when it happened, but sometime between January and now, I stopped feeling afraid. I'd like to say it was the medicine but I know medicine can only bring you to a place that allows you to address your issues. And one of my greatest issues came with waking up and embracing each day.
I remember feeling terrified, I mean terrified, of greeting each morning. I would tremble in bed, gasping, trying to delay the morning. Trying to ignore my children's cries as they awoke. Avoiding the clock, the sun, and my husband as I considered what the day might hold.
Older. Addressing the main issues of anxiety and depression have allowed me to mature with my children. We understand each other better every day. They know I love them and I know they will forgive me.
I like the person I am now. I feel more compassionate, loving, and forgiving. I let my faults slide rather than dwell on them.
My kids are my world. I don't want to leave them for work or school because being home fills my cup. I see their milestones, observe as they interact, and smile as they discover new things.
I also know that I am more than "mom." I am Amber. Being a mother is wonderful, but being Amber is more fulfilling.
Older. Aging is hard because as the years pile up, you realize how much you have to learn. But the wisdom gained from experience is indescribable. For me, it allows my eyes to open and see the world from a more grounded perspective; free from stifling ideologies and separate from my mental illness.
I like getting older. Do you?
I realize there is something missing from this space. An important weekly writing prompt that reminds me of my parenting wins: non-judgmental parenting. Do you remember this? Starting next week, on Wednesday, I will have a lovely post all about my amazing parenting skills. Or at least try to pull something out of my, um, head. I hope you will join me. To make it easier, I will provide a weekly theme. Stay tuned for next week's theme that I will announce on Monday.
This post is linked with The Gypsy Mama's Five Minute Friday.
6 hours ago