Friday, November 19, 2010

It Takes Two

I have a wonderful marriage.  But, there are moments when it isn't so wonderful. Like when we are caught up in adversity and can't remember why exactly we wanted to do this whole kid and school and living poor business.

During those not-so-wonderful moments,  we discover what really keeps our marriage together.  Commitment.  (And love.  Lots of love.) We honor those sacred covenants that we made in the temple on our wedding day.    Well, it's more than honor, we believe in those covenants.  We believe that if we are completely faithful to each other, we can break the bonds of death and find Eternity.

Life is hard.  Everyone can agree on that.  In our lives right now, Ben is working two jobs, 70 hours a week, 7 days straight.  He doesn't have any breaks.  And I don't have any breaks.  Last night, when picking Ben up from work, I was extremely frazzled.   Ben asked about my state and I told him that I was tired from solo parenting for the past 3 days.  Because that's what happens when he works both jobs, as he is gone from 7 am until 11 pm.

Yet, we are making it work.  Even when I am so tired and Ben is so tired and the kids are cranky and we have bills piling up and our car breaks down and, oh you get the idea, we have learned to lean on each other for support.  As I mentioned, our interactions aren't always pleasant.  Thankfully, we believe in repentance and forgiveness. We've learned to let little things go and focus on the important things: How blessed we are to even have jobs, to have our beautiful children, and to have each other.

Sometimes I question the Big Plan.  Is it really necessary for Ben to be working so much when we will be entering medical school next year?  I mean, come on! I want a break!

I realize, though, that these trials are teaching us so much more than we think--and I won't always learn everything while in the middle of them.  It is my responsibility to stay faithful, and to keep my commitments.

We can and will make it through these difficult times.

Hey, with this guy on my side, I can do anything.


  1. Amen, sister. Sometimes one of the hardest things to do is to be in a relationship, especially when the times are hard. We tend to get shortsighted and focus on the present hardships and let resentment build until you realize that hey, you're in this together!

    What's hard for one person usually is for the other as well, but in a different way. And if you're in this for the long haul, you're going to need to focus on the goals that usually lie really far ahead. I know all too well what you're going through. We have our "end prize" that we're working towards but we've encountered all kinds of setbacks and we are constantly having to struggle against a tide to head towards that goal. But each time, we try to remind one another of our objective and that we're not working against one another but with each other instead. That alleviates the tension and hardships, and it certainly brings us closer together.

    As with everything in life, this is a work in progress. Thankfully, there is always love to see us through all of this, which I'm sure you and Ben have in abundance.

  2. Those times, especially the "poor" times, is how you see what your marriage is like. Seriously. We have been pretty darn poor for most of our marriage (like REALLY sometimes), and it has just brought us closer. We had to learn to rely on each other, especially when we were in a state across the country from family/friends. We are still each other's best friends and we live life TOGETHER. Glad you have that perspective, too, but I'm sorry to have to do this single parenting thing right now. :(

  3. i can't imagine how difficult some days must be. my own husband works a lot, but not nearly as much as yours. so first, brava to you for being strong enough to be such a loving wife and mother. and if you two can survive this, then you can survive anything...that must be comforting to know :)

  4. Awe cute picture of benji and m&m!!

  5. oh and I think you should post a rap that you made up.. like the good old times!

  6. I remember when we decided that my husband had to leave his old job and open our store. That seemed like a good idea and I guess it was. But here we are, nine years later, and I've been virtually a single mom since then. And I don't really think I'm that good at it. I'm alone every weekend. And, while the store's enabled me to quit working, it's robbed me of what I think life's really about: time with our loved ones.

  7. I couldn't agree more. Some days, the smallest thing feels like s hurtle I cannot possibly overcome. But, perspective helps me find my way. Both of us are committed to making this work. Without both of our efforts, we won't last. Sometimes the work is fun. Sometimes its not. It's always worth while.

  8. thank heavens for the amazing men in our lives (and not so much IN our lives because they're working so hard for us). You two are so amazingly strong. I know you'll pull through because you rely heavily on Heavenly Father.

  9. I think marriage can sometimes be a tug and pull of schedules, jobs and children. It's important to recognize that there are some days that will seem especially harder, but it sounds like your marriage has an abundance of mutual respect. And I believe that is one of the most important elements of a relationship with your spouse.

    I love the picture at the end.

  10. I think you have a great perspective.

  11. Yes, it is tough, but it is all worth it. You can do it--YOU BOTH ARE AMAZING. Hang in there.

  12. I whole-heartedly agree. You sound like Matt and I about 6 years ago. Hang in there.


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