Tuesday, November 2, 2010

A Good Writing Workout

I am tired.  Extremely tired.  There is no apparent reason behind this exhuastion; both kids sleep very well through the night and I must get somewhere between 7-8 hours.  And yet, I am still so. stinking. tired.  It's not just me, Ben also suffers from this...whatever it is. Is it the darkness?  Being a parent?  I don't know, but, good gravy, I want my energy back.

Along with exhaustion, I feel a sense of disconnection from the on-line world.  A sort of apathy.  It's not that I don't enjoy reading your posts, it's that I'm usually too tired to even try writing.  For me, if I don't write a post I generally don't read posts.  It feels like I'm cheating, I read something new from you but leave you with old reading material in my place.  Weird? Yes.  Whatever, it's how I am.

My daytime hours are dedicated to the kids.  They are growing up so fast.  Now that Andrew is more mobile, he and Emily are busier than ever before.  And more fun.  We prefer to dance to our favorite songs (usually The Wiggles or The Jimmies), read our favorite stories, and walk to our favorite parks.  Plus, with Ben home in the mornings, I prefer to focus more on him than the internet.

Each evening, I debate between blogging, watching a show, and reading a book.  Generally, I choose a show because I can enjoy my dinner at the same time.  It also gives me a chance to rest my body and ease the pain.  When I'm finished with an episode, it's usually time to clean.  The only chance I have to wash dishes and fold laundry without added, um, "help" from the kids.

I don't tell you these things to garner sympathy or to offer excuses; I write these things as an explanation.  My lack of on-line presence probably hasn't been felt by anyone other than me, yet I feel the need to explicate my disappearance.

With the help of NaBloPoMo, I've decided to zap my blogging back into action.   That's right, I am going to write every day for the month of November.  I believe that this will help me re-enter my old life; a life full of lively interactions with friends on-line and in real life.  Ben will soon be super busy with two jobs, so I need to kick my butt back into gear and throw myself into activity.

So long apathy.  Good-bye exhaustion.

Welcome home, energy.

(I don't really know if my exhaustion will disappear, but I do hope I can start waking up earlier.  At least 15 minutes before my babies wake up.)


  1. Hi Amber :)

    I can totally relate to your post here. I have been feeling that way for some weeks now and try as I might it just isn't shifting. I come to the conclusion that it's ok, for now i'll just go with it, do what the energy allows me to do and take comfort that it wont always be like this.

    Priorities are rather good to have and it seems like you definitely have your's in the right order! :)

    Debs xx

  2. I really don't know how you moms with young children do it all. (Yes, I raised children but not in the day with the whole social media thing.)

    I look forward to reading your posts.

  3. It would be SO nice to wake up before the kids, I just can never do it. We have early risers and light sleepers and a tiny place (same as you!) which is a bad combination for getting up without the kids ;)

    But I wish you luck! I've been offline more often recently, and I always wonder if anyone notices....

    Good luck with NaBloPoMo!

  4. I know exactly how you feel, only you're more brave than I for doing NaBloPoMo :) My writing feels forced lately, because I just NEED to put something up, but at the same time, I'm glad to force it...I don't want to lose my will to blog, you know? And if I back away for a 'break' I think I'd slowly back away forever. It's a huge rolling ball that, once stopped, seems impossible to get started again.

    And a rolling ball of a different sort is my inability/desire to read anyone else's blogs lately. FB and twitter help me feel connected -- more quickly. Because I'm in a weird place right now that I don't have the energy to read many blogs. And yes, that makes me feel selfish: "Here's my post, please read and comment! (But I won't visit you back..." Who wants that sort of friend? This is the ball that needs to be scrubbed clean and re-rolled the most.

    But good for you this November! Practice makes perfect. Or something :)

  5. I have that same disconnect right now. But mine is all about the stress. I usually choose the book in that debate. Or just give it all up and go straight to bed! Enjoy Nablopomo!

  6. Blogging should be fun. When it is not, it is time to rest.

  7. I have been feeling the same way about my online life lately. I've been writing and reading less and feeling (mostly) okay about it. I imagine that you, like I, feel a sense of connection with the people you've met here and you don't want to let them down. What I've found, though, is that everyone goes through their own lulls - so I'll let them write and read more while I'm writing and reading less and I suspect we'll switch roles at some point in the future.

    Hope NaBloPoMo gives you the spark you're looking for!

  8. Real life consumes us all and when you need to take break, don't feel guilty about it.

    Good luck with writing posts everyday this month. I will certainly be reading and commenting. Looking forward to it!

  9. Remember, Amber, grieving is exhausting. Love you all and thinking of you often.

  10. You've had quite a year. I think the fatigue is completely understandable.

    As for writing, sometimes we need to ease off so we can pick up again later. And you have been missed.


    I only wish I had as much time to read and write as I used to. Not in the cards right now. I'm rushing through all of it, which doesn't feel good, but is part of juggling pressing priorities. We do what we have to do, right?

  11. Ugh, time. It's my biggest enemy and my biggest reward. I hate racing the clock every day, and I hate leaving out things that I enjoy doing. I guess it's all about learning to be a professional juggler. I'm still an amateur!

  12. Wow! Every day? Good for you, Amber! I just noticed in my reader that there are three new posts from you and I was thinking, Yay! :-)

    I totally get the exhaustion and the online apathy. I don't have time for it, yet I miss it. Especially chatting with great people like you!

  13. I've taken to getting up twenty minutes early and running for fifteen of them. I hate running. It takes all fifteen minutes just to go a mile. But it's made all the difference. Not so much for the exercise but because it does something good for me to start each day with a good habit. Small changes in habits can yield huge dividends, I think.


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