How Religion Impacts Society: Birth Control and Homosexuality

I read a lot of British history on the kings and queens of medieval society.   A common parallel I find between that time and ours is the misuse of religion and religious influence in the public sphere.  At one time, priests placated the starving populations by telling them that God blessed the kings and blessed those that followed the king unquestioningly, even though many kings were highly immoral in how they behaved and used funds: hosting lush feasts while their citizens were starving, engaging in lewd and adulterous behaviours with various mistresses, and going to war on the people's budget without reasonable cause.  The medieval period was a bloody reminder that Christ's name could be abused for a cause and we only need to remember the crusades, the inquisitions, and other events as reasons behind the legislation separating church and state in the US and various other countries.

Yet, I still see evidence of religions and religious leaders using similar tactics to impose their version of morality on general society.

Recently, President Obama passed a birth control rule that requires that health insurance companies pick up the cost of birth control as part of his Affordable Care Act.  However, the catholic church and other religions have come out against it claiming it violates their religious freedom (even after the compromise).  (I respect the complicated nature of this legislation and how some might see it as an infringement on their religious rights; however, the constitution says: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof," Obama's rule does not state that a woman MUST take birth control, it is expanding access and decreasing the cost to birth control so that women everywhere might afford it.)

Which leads me to the other issue: homosexuality.  Last week, California courts declared Proposition 8 illegal.  A huge victory for the homosexual population.  Yet, many religious groups came out crying "foul" and exclaiming that the people had spoken while the courts had unconstitutionally overturned it (funny because I thought it was the court's place to determine constitutionality, or interpret the law).   The campaigns against gay marriage call it a "sin" and a "threat to traditional marriage."  Legislating purely on religious beliefs without research that shows these claims as logical would be an infringement on first amendment rights--that  religious organizations' beliefs should not supersede popular opinion and natural rights.

In the past, religious leaders fought against woman's suffrage and inter-racial marriage claiming the same moral issues.  A woman is subject to her husband and shouldn't be engaging in public discourse anyway, or so the bible says.  And African-Americans, from the 1600's-1970's, were considered inferior to the white race--a doctrine taught in religious congregations all over the country.  Yet we would all agree that these ideas are outdated and certainly not true; unfortunately, the same logic is used to hold women back by denying access to birth control and exclaiming disapproval over homosexuality--which is increasingly shown as a genetic variation not a choice as some would claim--by blocking their ability to marry.

I am very disappointed with religious organizations, who often claim to have first-hand knowledge of what our forefathers want, attempts to infringe on the very clear constitutional amendment that separates church and state.  To claim moral superiority over the majority tears down important conversations on key issues in our country. Building a united and poverty/minority-minded nation requires compromise from all sides of the spectrum.  I feel that caring for the poor of our country should be the most important issue and we shouldn't allow religious beliefs or disbelief in the public sector to overshadow that goal.

I want to emphasize that I know many wonderful Christian (and other religious) folks who care for minorities and would disagree with the overt religious influence on certain policies.  I just wish this respect would rise to the top of religious organizations.

Straight Or Gay, Love Is Real

He stumbles in at midnight, having been gone since 7 that morning.  He hugs me and I squeeze him back.

"I need you," he says.

"Babe, I need you more than anything in this world," I tell him back.

We lay back, content in each other's arms.  Our love is full.  Our hearts are one.

*****

The dark, cold Alaskan sky further illuminated him as he bent on one knee in the snow.

"Will you marry me?"  he softly breathed, gazing into my surprised eyes.

I am only sixteen.  My parents, leaders, and other adults have told me that I don't know what love is. But my heart and mind tell me this is the right choice.  That he is the man I love and I wouldn't want to spend my life with any other person.

"Yes!" I said.  Internally defying the surrounding forces and letting them know that forced to live and act like an adult, I became one.

*****

The church leaders and doctrine explicitly state acting on homosexual tendencies is a sin.  I thought I agreed, remember I was a believing member who did, said, and acted according to what I had been taught.

But all my observations told me the church was wrong. It cannot be a sin to love.  Given the vehemence with which people reacted when they discovered I was engaged, at 16, to the man I loved, who was not a return missionary and did not want to serve a mission, I have seen this idea first-hand.  At that time, despite all the fibers in my being telling me otherwise, I caved to my naturally obeying self and encouraged Ben to serve a mission.  He, also an obedient and people-pleasing person, agreed.

Everything I felt, my answers to prayers, were ignored because it went against the natural order of my church.

*****

This week, I listened to Stacey's story of  owning her lesbian self. I cried as she shared her desire to be normal, of marrying her husband and trying so hard to love him--of thinking his love could somehow become hers too.  Until she had the answer, in the temple, telling her she needs to accept how God has made her.  Her husband, a supportive and amazing man, agrees.  They divorce.  She finally feels whole in the arms of another woman.  Her spirit is no longer broken as she accepts love in the way that God intended.

How could I deny her the chance for intimacy?  How could I let my experience as a 16-year-old be repeated again in hundreds-nay, thousands-of people's lives by telling them their love is a sin?

*****

It is 3.5 years later.  I meet him at the airport, praying that his feelings haven't changed.  After a whirl-wind 5 days, he proposes.  We marry 22 days later.  In a year, we welcome our first.  14 months later, our second.  And our love?  That love that was so sinful when I was 16? Is celebrated.  Because we went with "the script."

*****

I watch documentaries as gay couples tell their stories.  The love they have for each other is palpable.  I wonder, is their love any different from the love I have?  Can it really be a sin?

What is immorality anyway? Is it to love someone, or is it to fully express your love outside of marriage?  If I don't let these gay couples get married, denying that they actually love each other, aren't I forcing them to break the law of chastity?

These questions won't stop.  I can't sleep at night because me, the supposed Christian, is spreading hate instead of love.

I take a deep breath.  I ponder.  My heart tells me everything I have believed is wrong.  My mind thinks about the science, the genetics, and I wonder if God could really make mistakes.  And if he doesn't, would He really sanction anti-family sentiments?

*****

As I look at the bigger picture, I realize that love fuels this world.  To deny this would be to take away the good in humanity.  I can't consciously do this, so I am going with my heart.  I have a feeling, and the experience, that my heart is not wrong on this.  I am 24, strong, and can no longer be pressured into accepting what I disagree with.

I gaze into my husband's eyes, the eyes I have treasured since I was 16, and I know I cannot deny love.  I cannot allow hurt and pain to accompany this world's bleak existence.  Family is important and there are various ways to build one.  Whether it is as a mature 18-year-old, or between couples of the same gender.  Family does hold this society together and I will fight to keep it that way.