Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Twists and Turns of Life

The twists and turns of life are often surprising.  I had a tentative "life plan" but had a feeling it would change when I started living it.

It has in so many ways.

I started a master's program fully intent on finishing it, until I recognized that something was not working for me.  It was too easy and not academic enough.  I worked hard, of course, but all the work I put in was of my volition not because the classes required it.  My papers were superb, my discussions source-based, but I was alone in this.  It felt like a glorified undergraduate program and was, in many ways, easier than the classes I had at BYU.  I was unimpressed and felt bored.  I like to be challenged, engaged, and to learn.  While I did learn, it felt stunted--like I could have learned so much more had the professors  allowed it.

At the same time, working on school was incompatible with also spending time with the kids and Ben.  Once Ben came home, I handed off the torch and buried myself in textbooks and journals.  The kids were bored during the day and wanted to get out, but I needed to get homework done.  It was not working the way I had envisioned.

So I researched my options and found the perfect program.  It matched my academic and career goals and would really challenge me.  And, I would have to wait to apply which would give me time to decide when I wanted to start.

After talking it over with Ben, we both decided that waiting until Bellybean (the delightful nickname for baby number 3 suggested by a friend)  was two and Andrew and Emily were in school was the best option.  That gives me two years to work in my field of choice, take the GRE, and talk with the program chair.

I feel fantastic about this decision and am excited to spend the remaining days of my pregnancy, and a few months after s/he is born (until I decide I'm ready to work again), with my kiddos.  While being a stay-at-home mom isn't really my thing, it is the best thing for our family right now and I am going to work hard to make it fun and worthwhile.

Silly life and its many changes.


  1. One of my favorite sayings is, "The only thing that is constant in life is change."
    I for one believe that change is a great thing. It makes one flexible and able to adapt.
    I explained it to my wife that as an ex-ship captain, I was used to making course changes. I still am the captain of my own ship, ME, and I like the fact that I can set a new course anytime I choose!

  2. It just keeps twisting. Being able to groove with those twists - that's a good life.

  3. There's a lot of common sense in your current (revised) "plan." And apparently, "planning is for wusses" anyway...

    Life tosses us much more than we ever anticipate (you already know that). That said, I hope you'll check out the post on Jane Lynch's inspiring speech to the 2012 graduating class of Smith College.

    I think you'll love it! All about knowing when to toss the planning and go with the flow, saying YES to the surprises that may come.

  4. "Life is what happens when you are making other plans."

  5. Oh, life plans. Mine is SO far off from what I imagined it to be, many years ago. But, I recalibrated, and now it seems normal. In five years, I will probably be shaking my head at myself again. But it's nice to plan, I suppose. Gives us something to focus on (besides the dinner and dishes and other tasks that are constant).

    Funny, my outside-the-home plans are also on suspension until this baby #3 is 2 years old. Great minds.

    Also, thrilled, thrilled Thrilled to hear about bellybean. I can't emphasize that enough.

  6. Just when we think we've got it all figured out, we don't:)


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