The twists and turns of life are often surprising. I had a tentative "life plan" but had a feeling it would change when I started living it.
It has in so many ways.
I started a master's program fully intent on finishing it, until I recognized that something was not working for me. It was too easy and not academic enough. I worked hard, of course, but all the work I put in was of my volition not because the classes required it. My papers were superb, my discussions source-based, but I was alone in this. It felt like a glorified undergraduate program and was, in many ways, easier than the classes I had at BYU. I was unimpressed and felt bored. I like to be challenged, engaged, and to learn. While I did learn, it felt stunted--like I could have learned so much more had the professors allowed it.
At the same time, working on school was incompatible with also spending time with the kids and Ben. Once Ben came home, I handed off the torch and buried myself in textbooks and journals. The kids were bored during the day and wanted to get out, but I needed to get homework done. It was not working the way I had envisioned.
So I researched my options and found the perfect program. It matched my academic and career goals and would really challenge me. And, I would have to wait to apply which would give me time to decide when I wanted to start.
After talking it over with Ben, we both decided that waiting until Bellybean (the delightful nickname for baby number 3 suggested by a friend) was two and Andrew and Emily were in school was the best option. That gives me two years to work in my field of choice, take the GRE, and talk with the program chair.
I feel fantastic about this decision and am excited to spend the remaining days of my pregnancy, and a few months after s/he is born (until I decide I'm ready to work again), with my kiddos. While being a stay-at-home mom isn't really my thing, it is the best thing for our family right now and I am going to work hard to make it fun and worthwhile.
Silly life and its many changes.
4 hours ago