Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Who Are You?

Sometimes I find myself wondering who I am.  More specifically,  who am I to you?   In this space I am a featureless person who occasionally posts life altering moments--at least for me--but mostly whines.  At least that's how it feels.  Which leads me to wonder,  what kind of person do you think I am?

I cannot write funny posts.  I try and fail miserably.  My humor does not translate on-screen.  I think it's because I'm sarcastic and, in real life, am usually poking fun at myself for things I've said.  Hey,  if I'm going to stick my foot in my mouth several times a day I might as well laugh about it!

If you were to hang out with me for a few hours--or even minutes--I wouldn't even mention the woes I am experiencing.  I might say something and reference it to my miscarriage in a very matter-of-fact way because that's how I am. For real, I shoot straight.  (That's actually how I talk.)

The conversation would probably be centered on you as I ask you a million questions.  I enjoy getting to know a person in depth and can ask some pretty awesome questions--granted that I feel comfortable enough asking them.  Talking about myself is something I actually avoid.  It's not as fun.  Unless I can share a lesson I've learned that might help you in some way.

When you read my words here,  can you picture a determined woman?  Who cares deeply about social issues?  Who researches how to be the best mom?

I tend to relax in a unique manner,  by watching shows or reading books that make me think.  Sitcoms and love stories tend to irritate me so I stick with things I like.  Shows like The Universe, Gangland, and The First 48 are my top picks.  It isn't unusual for Ben to come home from work to find me conked out on the couch and The Universe playing in the background.  Heck, the only books I've read lately have been my Astronomy textbook from college and Ben's Biology textbook.

I'm not all serious.  I have a playful side that comes out when I'm with my family and around Ben.  I smile and giggle very often throughout the day as I watch Emily and Andrew play.  My family blog is devoted to how silly my kids are and how much they make me laugh.

Here, though, I'm a different person.  This is my place to ponder, analyze, discuss.  Even if there has been limited amounts of that lately.  I enjoy the relationships I have developed with so many of you; the bloggers I have surprisingly connected with.

Yet.  I feel a change coming.  A shift.  These past few months have been emotionally and physically taxing.  I have evaluated myself--my passions, my dreams--at a deeper level than ever before.  What I found was a person that I am still discovering.  Not necessarily a new me,  but a different me.  Perhaps someone I buried once I graduated from school, thinking that part of me was over,  who is emerging when I most need her.

I realize this post is dancing in and out of subjects.  Confusing as it might be, it accurately describes my mind at the moment.  I hop from thought to thought, subject to subject, trying to maintain some sort of rhythm.  Presently, the pattern alludes me.


I feel closer to recognizing it.

Do you feel your blog fully represents who you are?  Or, do you feel that a one-time meeting would provide a person adequate time to really get to know you?


  1. Well, obviously, my blog is not an accurate representative of myself, and is not a personal blog. But I don't think blogs have to be.

    However, my blog represents me too. I absolutely talk about Snuggies, The Hoff, and all things celebrity with people in my life. And how I talk on my blog is how I talk IRL. I am definitely super sarcastic. But of course, not all the time. I did bring up Kim Jong Il into staff meeting today, which was awesome, but clearly, I can be professional and on task too.

  2. I think my blog represents a couple facets of my personality. I don't talk much about my volunteer work, which centers around raising awareness and funds for at-risk girls and those living in poverty. I don't unleash my inner anger (very much). I don't write through my marriage issues. But I think my blog does showcase what makes me, me.

    I look forward to knowing you in a different way, as the shift comes more apparent. I don't think we would know each other any better after a one-time meeting, but we might know each other differently.

    Hope some of this makes sense!

  3. I love how you are on your blog and in person. I see both sides of you in person, both the deep and the joyful. That is just who you ARE.

    In my blog, it's only part of me. But I realize that I rarely write about myself on my blog, just mostly about my kids... but the way I write is how I am- a little sarcastic, a little funny, a lot in love with my kids and hubby.

    I actually don't write about more of my personal life on my blog, or my opinions, because I am afraid of offending one of my family members, or a friend who reads my blog, or letting out too much of my personal life that I don't want so-and-so reading about. Probably doesn't make sense, but I am way too non-confrontational to actually write about MY life. But then again, maybe that should change here soon, I should be more open about myself.

  4. Hmmm... Now I'm going to think about this for days! I'm all me on my blog, but the blog does not represent all OF me. Does that make sense? There are a few people in my life who do not want me to blog about them, and therefore there are little bits and pieces of my life that don't ever make it to the computer screen.

    That does not mean, however, that you aren't getting the real me. I write pretty much the way I talk, albeit with a lot less tripping over my words. My brain and my mouth don't always work well together.

    I'm about to go to Bloggy Boot Camp and have wondered a bit what people will think of me. I hope the fact that I'm a babbler when I talk does not keep people from seeing that I write from my heart.

    Great topic!

  5. Definitely not. my blog doesn't represent me at all. I think if we ever met, we'd get along fine :) i have a sarcastic streak as well.
    Hope all is well x

  6. I like seeing any and all sides of you! I think we're always evolving, and why shouldn't your blog reflect that?

    My blog reflects my inner voice, who I am on the inside. In person, I'm a shy, introverted little freak.

  7. I started my blog anonymously in February as something meant entirely for me, to talk about my life and thoughts. It does accurately reflect my thoughts on being a stay at home mother and I have talked honestly about the good and bad associated with that. Has it grown and changed over time? Yes, now I am spreading my wings and using my blog to challenge my photographic, poetry writing and fiction writing skills too. Does my blog capture all of me? No, not at all, it represents certain aspects of me and my life that I choose to share.

    I see nothing wrong with your blog being about certain things and not all of you - if you write honestly of the things you share, which you always do, and these things resonate with others, then that is what matters.

  8. I hear you saying there's a change coming. With Ben's acceptance to school there is a piece of your future that is now certain. Limbo land is over for the time being.

    I'm wondering if that has allowed you to concentrate on you again and wonder aloud what has had to be on hold: "now that I'm not just holding it together for him and us...who am I?"

    It makes me feel free to hear you ask a question like this. I might be wrong about my assumptions, but I know there are many women who hold it together for our families then, when there is a moment that feels like freedom...we pop open and explore the world for ourselves.

    I don't experience you whining here. I find you to be living your life outloud. This is something I find to be very comforting. In your words I find a mirror for my own life. I feel a place to belong; your words often chase away loneliness I would otherwise feel.

    Sure you will be different if ever I had the good fortune to meet you in person, but I like knowing you here.

    I'll be anxious to hear how whatever it is that feels like it's about to blossom comes through... please take us along on the ride. It's not just Ben's education we're interested in. Chiefly, I want to know who you become.

  9. When I read your words, I picture a very sweet, caring, determined and thoughtful young woman. I like you. At least what I know of you from what you have shared. And I really enjoyed learning even more about you here today! I love The First 48! But I also love sitcoms.

    I don't think one meeting is enough for someone to know who I am. My personality changes with different people, scenarios, moods. Sometimes I may come across as a snob when I'm actually just shy or have a lot on my mind. Other times people may think that I laugh and giggle too much. There are not many people that truly know the REAL me - all of me. It's hard to share yourself that much with someone (in person anyway)!

    Looking forward to reading more and seeing what else you have to share! :-)

  10. My blog is something that portray pieces of me but I can't tell you if the "real" me is the same or different.

    The intensity in my blog is certainly there in person and the sense of humor comes out too. But there are sides of me that I don't share in person and sides that don't get shared on the blog.

    And I am ok with that. One thing that I know for certain is that my readers know things about me that that some of my "real life" friends don't. It is not necessarily because I can't tell them these things, but because the blog is where I think out loud.

    So there isn't always a reason or place to discuss some of it.

  11. I think, in some ways, we're all different on our blogs. I am, without doubt, more vocal and whiny and crazy on my blog. :) You, my friend, shine through. And I can see you have a good heart. I can see you're a good mother and wife. I can see that you experience challenges, like everyone else, and you do your best work through them. I can see that you have faith and love. And I tell you're the sort of person I want for a friend.

  12. I see you thinking and working through life, with passion and humor. How we choose to write on our blogs (and what we write about) say something wbout who we are. I certainly don't see you as a whiner! I don't, won't share all of me oh my blog. I don't do it in real life either. But that doesn't make me inauthentic. At least I don't think so.
    I do love seeing someone in person, you can learn so much through their eyes and their voice. But I agree with many of the comments, to really know me takes time.

  13. I think of my blog - and of yours - as a sort of Song of Myself. Your words today remind me of Whitman's:

    "Do I contradict myself?
    Very well then I contradict myself,
    (I am large, I contain multitudes.)"

  14. I love your eloquence, honesty, and matter-of-fact-ness. And I do get a sense of your sarcastic humor from some of your posts. All this is what keeps me coming back for more! =>

  15. Hmm, I met you in real life before I read your blog. I like you both. ;)

    Right now my blog is focused a lot on what I'm studying but I feel like I try to give adequate space for representing myself too. I think I'm more serious on my blog than I am in real life though.

  16. I see you as a young mom who is still trying to figure some life things out. I see you as honest and genuine.

    I can't write funny either, but in real life I hold my own. :)

  17. I feel like my blog represents myself better than first impressions do. I am shy IRL and that comes off sometimes as hauty.

    I don't think you come off as whiny or too introspective. I thought that your real life self blended well with your blog persona.

    I have always wanted to know the motivations and paradigms that move people to talk and act a certain way and I think meeting their blogs helps me do that, which makes me more comfortable around them. It has helped me come out of my own shell quite a bit.

  18. What an interesting question/post. I was just thinking about how my blog is more Pollyanna-ish than I am in real life. Part of that is my hyper-awareness of how stuff posted online doesn't ever go away, and part of it is my mission statement for my blog. I hadn't really thought about how the blogs that I'm reading really only represent part of the authors' life. I'm going to chew on that one for a while.

    For the record, your blog hasn't ever seemed whiny to me.

  19. I see you and hear you and the same disjointed but completed related thoughts run through my head too. I am a serious person like the one my blog reflects. Compassionate and in love with my family but I am also silly. I tell stories and I write. It just isn't reflected entirely in my blog.

    And today you left a comment over at mine (thanks!) that surprised me. I am always surprised that anyone notices whether I'm there or not. And does it matter? Will your comment make me think differently about my absences? Maybe.

    Ruby says hello (mostly she just wanted to type her name ;)

  20. I try really hard to be authentic on my blog...but I think it would be very different to just hang out with me over a glass of wine! ;)

  21. I like reading your blog because it lets me see a side of you that I didn't get to know when we worked together. I mean, how well do you really get to know a co-worker over one summer even if you do become friends? We were always busy laughing in the moments... or complaining about them, too. :) I definitely like both sides!

    I think my blog tries to represent me. The background and theme change constantly... just like my mind changes its mind ALL the time. I write about my interests... which tend to be all over the place. But, I don't feel like I have enough time to blog about everything I want to. My blog has so many holes! So many thoughts, opinions, and recipes on natural eating to get up! Our pets page is still incomplete. The list could go on with all the stuff I want to blog about!!!

    Yeah... I guess it does represent me. LOL! It shows a scatter-brained person who tries to do more things than is reasonably possibly but LOVES trying anyway!

  22. I think we all have many facets to us that don't normally show themselves because of a certain voice or persona we've decided to adopt in our writing. Or maybe I'm just speaking for myself. But I'm not very different from the person on my blog. I just don't tend to discuss the more serious matters with people I hardly know in real life yet I don't bat an eyelash when my life and emotions are laid out like an open book on my blog to people I've never met before in my life. It's funny how that works.

  23. I love this post and how comfortable it feels. How it's exactly how I would picture chatting with you. And that is so great, to get to know you. That's the thing with blogging, we share ourselves I think in ways that we choose not to in real life. It's a special way reserved for our online friends. It's intimate and yet not. I try to be honest on my blog, to be an open book, to test the boundaries of my own self-expression. The funny thing is, since I started blogging it has gotten easier for me to do that in real life too.

  24. I'm not sure my blog completely represents who I am because I withhold so much - so much of my critical, sarcastic nature that I think might turn off people. But I think I'll get there, eventually. Baby steps.

    One thing that I love about you and your blog is when you discuss your faith. Faith is something that eludes me but I am deeply moved by those that have found it.

    Glad you found a new "home" too! Enjoy!

  25. First, love the new site. Very nice Amber!

    Sometimes I am guilty of censoring myself so I do not confess all on my blog. The topics, the thoughts and the words that I write are very much a part of me and is a reflection of who I am. I believe we have to reveal some of our authentic self to connect with ourselves and others.


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