Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Talking, Sharing, and Serving: Three Things I Love About My Marriage

I will celebrate my third year of marriage in July.  "Three years ?!?!" you exclaim.  "Why, you are only a toddler in marriage years!"  I know.

This may be true, yet I feel as if we have been married forever.  Those years when we weren't together are a bit blurred.  Perhaps it is because we dated for so long.  (And when I was a rather young age.)  Or, maybe, it is because we have two kids babies.  Whatever the reason, I feel like a seasoned wife.

There are some aspects in my seasoned marriage that I really appreciate. Things that I hope to continue.


While we were dating, Mr. B pointed out my very hurtful habit of shutting off when I am upset.  This habit still haunts me, it is a constant battle.  Trial by trial, I am struggling to ignore my first inclination, to turn to stone on the outside (better known as stonewalling), and do as Mr. B has taught--talk it through.

This can be rough.  Talking usually involves an uncomfortable subject.  Something that needs to be changed, something that I don't want to change (at least on the inside).

Our talking has evolved with our marriage. Right now, face-to-face discussions are nearly impossible (unless we want to stay up until 2 am) (not likely).  To solve this potential stumbling block,  we have turned to modern technology: Google Chat. This has not only provided us with instant communication, but has also enabled me to better confront whatever fear is encouraging my stonewalling.

For instance,  I am in need of some serious time management coaching.  In a recent conversation (via Goggle Chat), I asked for some advice.  He, in return, asked me how I spend my time.  I instantly became defensive and began building up my walls.  Until I remembered that I had asked for his help in the first place!  Once that thought pierced my thick skull,  I tore those walls down.  I became receptive to Mr B's suggestions.


I am very proud of Mr B.  He is proud of me.  We enjoy sharing our accomplishments.  When I graduated, Mr B threw me an awesome graduation party.  I had some cool cake, yummy food, and pleasant company.  He was truly happy for me.

When Mr B  recently received high honors for his superior grades, I not only smiled but looked for a way to celebrate with him.  We went out to his favorite restaurant.  I tried to show him how happy I was for the reward he deserved. Really, his wins are my wins.

Because we share this part of our world together,  I feel closer to him.  I know that when I have a good day, I can expect a nice hug and smile.  I also know that when my day goes awry, I have a shoulder/back rub to look forward to.


The best piece of advice I received before we married was to selflessly serve your spouse everyday.    Seeing as how I am lazy, being selfless doesn't exactly come naturally.  But, as I have struggled against my natural urgings of selfishness, I have found something wonderful: happiness.

When I make the bed, clean the kitchen, keep up on the laundry, and tidy up the living room, I am greeted with a hearty "Thanks!" when Mr B comes home from a long, tough day.  The gratitude is not my only reason for selfless service, it is the love that I am constantly gaining for my husband.  See, it is hard to be angry toward someone that you serve.  This is true.  If you don't believe me, try it.

Now, don't you go thinking that I only serve in our relationship, because you would be wrong.  Dead wrong.  I would have to say that Mr B does most of the serving around here.  When I am having a hard day, he will come home and pick up for me.  When he knows I am feeling down or sick, he will pick up dinner.  He does those tasks that I shy away from, like bath time at night.  He gets the house looking shiny on the weekends.  Most importantly, he takes care of my emotional and mental needs.  He lends a listening ear at 2 am.  He provides mental stimulation, through conversations, at night.  He heaps charming accolades upon my achievements.  Even if they are undeserving.

As we talk, share, and serve, our marriage matures.  It becomes less wistful and more stable.  It becomes more Eternal.

This is part of Chocolate on my Cranium's weekly Wordfull Wednesday challenge. Check out her blog to find other entries!


  1. Happy 2 1/2 anniversary!

    I am not exactly a veteran in the marriage department (Husband and I have only been married 6 years), but I think that your three focal points are essential to having a partnership that develops over time - and one that can weather the storms that inevitably come.

  2. Google chatting with your husband is a brilliant idea! I just might steal that!

    Happy 2-plus years together. He sounds like a keeper.

  3. Thank you!

    My husband suggest Google Chat. It seriously has saved us from growing apart. Something you can probably relate to, being that your husband is a doctor.

  4. Thanks!

    Hah, I already explained that I am not a veteran* in any way*, these are certain things that I hope we can continue. I would have to say you are more of a veteran than I am!! 6 years!?!? That is wonderful!!

    And, yes, weathering the storms is what we plan to do.

  5. You are both to be commended. I also had 2 babies at the 2 and half year mark in my marriage. It ain't easy. But it sounds like you and Mr B have found a very workable formula - and a fluid one - to ensure the glue that holds you together as a loving family unit.

    Good stuff.

  6. You sound seasoned enough to me! Those are all such valuable parts of marriage and take so much work, especially with the kiddies around. Good job!

  7. Talking, or maybe I should say communicating is an interesting struggle around here...how wonderful to have it as a priority in the beginning.

  8. No, it isn't easy. We have to work extra hard to keep our marriage going. I am lucky that we both share in this effort.

  9. I would say that communication is a constant struggle for most couples!! We make it a priority because it is necessary for us to survive this difficult period in our life!

  10. Thank you for stopping by! We are seasoned in that we know we need to do these three things. Yet, it is a constant struggle!

    PS. If you have a blog, and if you are comfortable with sharing it, I would love the link so I could get to know you better!

  11. I especially love the idea of serving each other each day. We have just started that with our kids and in just a short time we have seen very positive results. I know it works!

  12. Service...isn't that a biggie! I agree, every aspect of being a wife/mother is all about service isn't it! :) I love your 3.

  13. Service....Isn't it about time? : )

  14. I think my relationship with my husband (married 4 years, together for 8) has honed my communications skills in ways I never imagined. I should be able to add it to my resume by now!

  15. Serving is a very good priority! It's funny how serving another really develops our love for them even more.

  16. The serving one is my favorite. I think it can be easy to see where we are serving and more difficult to see where our spouse is. Recognizing their service is important.

    My husband and I take our communication to a texting level all the time. I've been trying to convert him to twitter, but no luck so far.

  17. It is such an amazing thing to reflect on, not just how we HAVE grown, but how we ARE growing. The striving implicit in your words is very inspiring!

  18. What a wonderful relationship it seems you and Mr. B. have and if you keep it up another 60 years are definitely in your future. I agree that one thing that makes my relationship with Tim strong is that it makes me happy to make him happy (another way of saying serve?). I know he'll be happy to see the house neat and dinner cooked, so I do it for him. Even if, I'd be fine in a messy house with cereal for dinner!

    Great post and happy almost 3 years!

  19. We will have been married for 6 years at the end of March. Sometimes, it feels longer, and other times, it feel like we just got married.

    You give very sound advice here.

  20. I adore this. I absolutely adore it. Your reflections on your marriage are clearer and cleaner than some people married for 20 years. And the fact that you are so very conscientious about your actions and your reactions is a mighty leap forward, a great start to building the biggest, most important foundation for your babies.

    You are wise, Amber. And your husband is wise. And I can see it, hear it, feel it in your words. I think the word Jen used the other day when we were speaking on the phone was "self-aware." Yes, I agree with her, you are self-aware. And this post is a direct reflection of that.

    I'm not so very veteran in the marriage department, but after 7 years I know WHAT it takes, it's just a matter of DOING it when it needs to be done. The fundamentals: communication, kindness, compassion, love....the list is a glorious one.

  21. Amber, this is a fascinating post and I'll have to think about that word, "serving" a little more. Thanks for stating it so eloquently. It give me a lot to think about, after 17 years of marriage!

  22. Oh, thank you for stopping by! I found this Wordfull Wednesday post to be more than a little intriguing. I am grateful that you phrased it in such a way as to get me to really think about my marriage.

  23. Heck yes you should! You can place it in the spot that says, "Share an experience you have had with problem solving" "...with conflict."

    See? It fits in perfectly!

  24. Maybe you could convert me to Twitter? I've been thinking I need to make that step for awhile now.

    If I don't sit down and think about how my husband serves me, I will completely give myself all the credit. As you said, it is vitally important to recognize the mutual service given in a relationship.

  25. Indeed, that *is* another way to say serve.

    I find that a great way for a husband to make his wife happy is to come home and not even look at the house. Go straight to his lover and give her a kiss and a hug. Heck, she deserves it!!

  26. Wow! 6 years? That is fantastic!!

    These three things are more like thoughts about what has worked so far in our marriage. Things that I hope to continue doing. Why stop a good thing?


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