My MIL has left. Am I happy? No. I love her. I am happy to be apart of her family. I am delighted that she loves her grandchildren so much. I am grateful that she took time off of work and left her own husband to help us. Then, why haven't I recognized that?
If you notice, that awful post about visitors has been deleted. I am ashamed that I wrote it. I have been rightfully chastised by the Spirit.
I like to pride myself on my sanguine character. I think I am helpful. I call myself open-minded. Yet, I wrote about my difficulties with my MIL. She did absolutely nothing to provoke that post. She came to help and I complained.
I had a hard time in the beginning because I was tired. I have a newborn for Heaven's sake! I also tend to be over anxious. I like to do things my way. I dwell on people's mistakes far too long (and often). (I also forget my flaws. Isn't that easy?)
A couple days after I wrote about my difficulties with visitors, I had an experience. My MIL and I were discussing God. We both consider ourselves Christian. We belong to different churches, but believe in Jesus Christ's doctrines. During this discussion, I received a revelation. How could I call myself a Christian if I am unwilling to overlook people's faults? How can I behold the mote that is in my brother's eye, but disregard the beam that is in my own eye?
This question struck my heart. I needed to hear it. I needed to feel it. So, I took a blogging break. I decided to devote my time to my MIL. I am so glad I did that. Her last week here was wonderful. When it came time to say good-bye, sorrow overtook me. I will miss her sweet comments, her devotion to the Queen and Manly, and her help. Most of all I will miss seeing her. I don't know if I will ever live in the same town (or same state) as her, but if I do I will be ecstatic.
P.S. I will be spending the next week becoming reacquainted with all of you.
P.P.S. Happy (late) Thanksgiving!
A - The tendency you see in yourself is one that many of us share, myself included. I don't think it makes you a bad daughter-in-law; I think it makes you human. The fact that you recognized it and acted on it is what sets you apart. (I also believe that mothers of newborns should be given a free pass on any and all not-so-perfect behavior during those sleepless early weeks!)
ReplyDeleteI think it is commendable that you were able to take a step back, and take some time off, to reinvigorate your relationship with your MIL. There is a reason this is one of the most fraught relationships out there. I agree with Kristen that any mom with a tiny newborn should be cut some (major league) slack. I really appreciate the humility in this post.
ReplyDeleteNew moms DO get extra leniency! But I am proud of you. My MIL=Broom Rider.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you were able to enjoy the visit. It isn't the funnest thing in the world to get a personal revelation that involves changing your attitude. It's even harder to act on it, so good job!
ReplyDeleteGood for you for having the perspective to step back and take the time to really honor your mother in law as she deserves ... but please be gentle with yourself - we are all allowed to have our moments of difficulty, which are rarely as much about the other person as they are about ourselves!
ReplyDeleteBe kind! You have a baby! (who is delicious, btw).
xox
It sounds like you had a wonderful visit. And what could be better for all of you, as a family?
ReplyDeleteAnd yes - cut yourself some slack! It's tiring having a houseful of little ones!
Remember though that even as we need to be more tolerant and loving with others we need to extend that same mercy to ourselves. Not to the extent that we aren't moved to change as you so beautifully have been, but we need to accept our humanity even as we strive to surpass it.
ReplyDeleteYou're pretty darn fabulous, after all.
You are a wonderful person. We all slip occasionally, from the road we wish to be traveling. It is the getting back on track that is important and you are there!
ReplyDeleteI know I am not like your other blogger friends,being so eloquent in writing,but as your mother and a mother in law myself,that was one of the most Christ like things to admit.I love you Amber. You learn a little quicker than I. Love, Mom
ReplyDeleteI think those "Judge Not" moments are sometimes hard, but I'm proud of you for stepping around it and making it right. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAnd enjoy that baby!
What a beautiful post. I admire you so much for being so honest on your blog. You are a beautiful woman.
ReplyDelete